My squishy and My really cute but impossible to understand babies

There are two scenes of the movie Finding Nemo that remind me of my two kids:

"I shall call him Squishy
and he shall be mine
and he shall be my Squishy"










"...You know you're really cute, but I don't know what you're SAYING!"

A car ride with a 28 month old

I like to write about my conversations with Jackson because this is really a way for me to one day print out and add to a baby book since I'm so terrible at writing in it. This way I'll always remember some of the funny little things that he says. I also want to remember that for a little while, he's been calling me Mody instead of Mommy. I'm so afraid it will end and I'll forget it.

So here goes, A Car Ride with a 28 month old:

"Jackson, did you have good day today?"

"Pay Fiends. Jo Jo bite hurrs."

"Joseph bit you today, huh? It hurts when your friends bite, doesn't it?"

"mmhmm."

"I think the answer you are looking for is 'Yes, Ma'am.'"

"NO mam. Daddy mam?"

"You say 'Sir' to Daddy and 'Ma'am' to Mommy." (We've been working on this.) "I need you to say Yes, Maam please, not mmhmm."

"No. mam."

"Say 'yes, maam' Jackson"

"Es no mam"

"Yyyeeesss Maam. Try again"

"Nooo!"

"Jackson!"

"Es no mam"

"Yes maam"

Silence...."Es maam. Daddy wook?"

Oh Thank God. Sometimes that can go on for 20 minutes. "Thank you. Daddy is at home. He'll be there when we get there. Tell me more about school. Did you play with Kennedy?"

"Kenddiddy hug. Pay truck, big truck, fida truck, CRASHHHHH oooh! Pay bue truck fida truck. Pay park. Funny laugh Fiends Kate, Kenddiddy, Charey. I dink pup. See house Mody? See it?Potty oh MMs!"

"Whew. You did a lot today!"

"Baby Gam?"

"We're not getting Baby Graham today Baby. Daddy already picked him up and they are at home waiting for us to get there and eat dinner."

"Baby Gam chuch."

"Yes, that's Graham school isn't it." (There is a church in front of the day care.)

"mmhmm. Boy Mody! See it? Boy. Wunning. See it? See it Mody? Two dogs!"

"That's right. I see the boy. He has two dogs. Very good."

"Daddy running, see it? Ohh! Poyce ca see it?"

"Baby, every man isn't Daddy. That's a man, ok? Did you sing any good songs at school today?"

"mmmhmm. memememememe. Bue ca Mody"

"Oh, Jesus loves me? I see the blue car. Can you sing Jesus Loves me to Mommy?"

"Mememe. Fida Truck is ni ni Mody. Seeya fida truck! Ni ni! (He thinks that when we pass the fire station and the garage doors are closed that the fire truck is sleeping.) See tree, Mody? See it? See car Mody? See it? See ooooo whats that?"

"Thats a sign Baby. Finish telling me what you played with at school today."

"I pay chuch. Oooh, moon Mody. See it?"

"You didn't play at church today! You're silly! Finish singing that song you were singing to Mommy!"

"chchachacha. Shrek, Mody! I watch it? CD? I watch it?"

"How about you play with your trains instead?"

"Thos?"

"Yes, Thomas! You should definitely play with Thomas tonight."

"Pitcha!"

"No, Baby, I'm not taking a picture, I was just putting my phone in my purse."

"Pitcha Mody! CHEEEESE! Take Pitcha!"

"Baby I can't take your picture. I'm driving. We'll do it tonight when we get home."

"Read books, Mody? I eat? I ride bike? Oooh, Fall down, Mody. I pay park? I eat dum dum? OH! Zthackthon house, Mody! Daddy truck! See it? See wagon, Mody? I pay wagon."

Whew! We're home! And "Zthackthon" has big plans for tonight. "Come on! Hop out!"

"no."

"Did you mean to say 'Yes, maam?"

"No Maam, Mody"

Sigh...here we go again...

Snow Day in Birmingham

So, in the south it snows from time to time. Thank God it doesn't happen often because the whole world MUST come to a stand still when it does. Schools close, day care calls to say come get your kid, businesses close, grocery stores run out of milk and toilet paper, cars won't crank, tumbleweed rolls down the interstate...IT'S SNOWING! We can't open our front door - what do you mean go to work?

I'm sure the damn Yankees think we're crazy (for those of you unfamiliar: a Yankee visits from up North; a damn Yankee is one who stays love you Prissy), but in all reality we're just not set up to handle it. We don't have snow plows or giant salt shakers (no, I DON'T know what they are ACTUALLY called). So we shut down. Completely. However, I find it really funny that when we had almost 3 snow days in a row people figured out how to go to work and school anyway. Apparently it's not possible to open your front door the first day, nor the second day unless you are making a snow man, but the third day? Southerners learn to drive in the snow, and their kids learn to go to school in spite of it. Amazing how that works.

Nevertheless, we enjoyed our snow day. I'm so aggravated that I forgot to take pics of the snow man that Jackson built...or the snow man that I built in spite of Jackson trying to destroy it incessantly. Whatever, he was happy with the end result.

Here are some pictures from our Birmingham Snow Day

This is quite possibly my favorite pic of all time:



This is Daddy shaking the tree to make it snow on Jackson and Jackson getting his turn to shake the tree:




Don't eat yellow snow:

Always have an Ace in your purse

So, it rained today. I mean it raaaaaained today. All day long. I had a 3:15 appointment at a prospect's office and left in the rain. At this point I looked...sprinkled on.

I got in my car and realized "OH CRAP! It's 5:21! I have 39 minutes to pick up Jackson and Graham before I have to pay $5 per minute! GOTTA GO!" So I fly through the pouring rain to Jackson's day care. Toss him in the car, buckle him up, and look at the clock...21 minutes to get to Graham's day care. At this point I look...rained on.

Red lights red lights, traffic, rain, red lights, cars, a bike (what? really?) more rain, more red lights and I get there! 5 minutes before the cutoff! Excellent! I unbuckle Jackson, unload Jackson, get Graham, load Jackson, buckle Jackson, buckle Graham and load Graham. This took a lot of running around to the various doors in my car. So at this point, I look...damp.

I'm thinking about dinner all the way home since I know Justin isn't home tonight and it's getting close to bathtime since my appointment ran so late this afternoon. I pull into the driveway at 19 minutes until bathtime (otherwise known as 6:11) and I reach to the back and unbuckle Jackson. (This was my grand plan to save myself from getting a little more wet.) Then it hits me. I don't have a key to the house and Justin won't be home until 9:30 tonight from CPR class. I go to the side door, locked. I go through the gate to the back door, locked. I climb on the air conditioner and check a window, locked. I pass my car and see Jackson in the front seat testing the blinkers and hazard lights...Shrug that off...and I go to the front door, locked. CRAP. I get Jackson loaded back into the back seat and buckle him up. I plop myself into the car still unsure of what to do. At THIS point, I look...wet.


I have no cell phone because I left the house without it this morning. Why? Because I have two small children, keep up! I have three options:
1 - sit in my car and feel sorry for myself while my two children starve to death.
2 - drive to Jeff State and sell my body on the street corner for use of a cell phone to call Justin 47 times in a row in the hopes that he answers during class and brings me out some keys.
3 - Go get some food for Jackson while I keep thinking.

...STACY! She has a key!

We have a plan.

Jackson ate a McChicken while I drove to Stacy's house. I arrived at Stacy's at 9 minutes past bathtime. I left Jackson and Graham in the car while Jackson yelled "Drew House!" I jogged up her front steps and knocked on the door. Through the front door window I saw her look at me with a very concerned and worried look on her face. She opened the door. At this point, I look like a DROWNED RAT!!

With the attitude of someone who hadn't slept in a week, I said, "Can I have my house key?" All the worry and concern left her brows and she made that sound that you make if your mouth is full of water and someone makes you laugh...that helped. She gave me a key, offered me dinner (as all good Southern women do), and said "I'm OBVIOUSLY going to need this key back." I said "Yes, maam. I'm also going to make one for my neighbor" and took my drowned rat butt back to my car.

Jackson was SOOOO upset about not going into see Drew and I needed an Ace.

Explanation: I call it an Ace. It's that thing you have to remedy all unpredictable situations. (No, it's not a spare key.) It's a kid thing. It could be a hot wheels car in your purse at a restaurant when your child's patience has run out. "SURPRISE! Mommy has a HOT WHEELS car in her purse and she has officially bought the 5 minutes that she needs until the food gets here!" OR, it could be the one I use EVERY night. The chewable gummy vitamin. I use that Ace at some point to get Jackson to do what I want him to do. Climb into his high chair for dinner, go upstairs for a bath, quit going potty and put on his pjs, brush his teeth....at any point that I need it..."Here's your vitamin! You can have it when you finish your green beans!" Most nights we don't need it, but the true test is if you don't need your Ace and you can give him the vitamin at the END of the evening with no strings attached.

So, back to Jackson being upset. "Drew House! Down! Pees Down! Drew House!" There is a complete come apart well on it's way. I need an Ace. OOHH! I've got one in my purse! I have cleaned out my purse several times over the last couple of months...yes, months... and every time, I find this individually wrapped twizzler. I don't EVEN remember where I got it. But every time I clean out my purse and start to throw it away, I think...oh no, that's an Ace! And I put it back in my purse. So, I presented the Ace to Jackson and life as we know it was all of a sudden no longer about to end. NO, I'm not going to be Mommy of the Year anytime soon for giving my kid a McChicken and a twizzler for dinner, but we were in a state of emergency.

I pull into the driveway at 27 minutes past bath time and unload the car. Upon car exit Jackson saw the McDonalds cup of water and had another come apart...something about straws...God only knows. I was barely able to walk because I had Graham, diaper bags, coats, purses, dirty bags of clothes, and God only knows what else in my arms. I said "Jackson! Come inside! It's RAINING!" I went on in and started making Graham's bottle. Jackson finally entered still crying about the cup and I said, "Stop Crying. Now go shut the front door."

Still crying.

"Jackson, shut the door and stop crying and I'll give you your vitamin."

Damn! We JUST got home and I already played my Ace!

NOT me Monday

Yea, I know it's Tuesday.

I won't post it on MckMama's site because of that technicality. Although it did happen yesterday.

So anyway: My Not me Monday, I mean Tuesday story:

Jackson has been doing a great job going potty in the big boy potty. So great, that I had to forbid him from pottying last night. He gets up there...tinkles a tiny tiny little bit, and gets ALL excited for his M&M. Two minutes later, same story.

Oh yea, Not me! I didn't forbid my 2 year old potty trainer from pottying anymore and force him to keep his pjs on!

HE'S GOING TO TURN INTO AN M&M IF THIS KEEPS UP!

I found this today while preparing for my new website. I wrote it when Jackson was a baby:

Those tiny little fingers
Chubby wrists
Creamy, soft skin
…I love this child

That gummy grin
Innocent smile
Sheer glee…
God, I love this child

That bottom lip
Those round cheeks
Big round eyes
Pure innocence…
God, thank you for my child

~Meredith McLaughlin 2007

A car ride with a 25 month old

It's funny to look back at posts about conversations with Jackson. They are progressing well I suppose. Our longest and deepest conversations happen in the car. You know, the only time he isn't either watching Shrek or begging to watch Shrek. So here goes, from our ride home today. A car ride with a 25 month old:

"Car mama. Two carsth. One two foor sickth nine Two carsth."

"That's good counting, Baby"

"Big Truck. Papa Big Truck. Papa housth. Papa housth dum dums. Dum Dum mama? Sucka? Mines have it?

The thought of our car ride four days ago rushes into my head. We were 2 hours in to a four hour drive after Jackson had 3 dum dums earlier in the day and one blow pop in the car already (I need to note here that I worked that day and Daddy was in charge). Well, needless to say, after 2 gushing vomit fits, we stopped at a gas station and hosed down Jackson's clothes with the scary water hose in back of the gas station. We then rode our remaining 2 hours with me covered in vomit and the car smelling to high heaven...all the while, Justin was mumbling, "No more dum dums." "We don't have any suckers Baby." I wonder if it's a sin to lie to a 2 year old.

"oh dum dum Papa housth.

"Yea. Tell me about your friends at school, did you have a good day?"

"JoJo bite hurrs."

"Yes, it hurts when friends bite each other. Friends need to be sweet to each other."

"Friends. JoJo, Charey. Pay Park. Charey"

"Did you play with Joseph and Charlie today on the playground?"

"Ohh, church, house, two house! Baby Cying Mama Pacy, Pacy!"

"I'm sorry Baby. I'll be at a red light in a minute. Tell me about school today. Were you sweet to your friends (we received a report that he had had a rough day)"

"friends"

"Yes, baby, were you sweet to your friend, Jeffrey today? the bad report was that he had a scuffle with Jeffrey"

"I puu hayuh. Bite. Hurrs."

"Jackson! Did you pull hair? No sir! We don't pull our friends hair! We love our friends. And NO BITING. It does hurt, you're right. Tomorrow I want you to give Jeffrey a big hug. He is your friend."

"Big Truck. ChChCha Chchcha...singing jibber jabber. (This is a song from Shrek). Donkey, Shrek, Pimpess (Princess), flyfly (Fairy Godmother), Shrek? Oooh, big truck. Donkey?"

"What color is that truck, Jackson?"

"White! Red!" (White is ALWAYS his first answer...no clue why.) "Errrrp. HAHAHAHAHA!" (This is a fake burp that he learned from none other than ...Shrek.)

"When we burp we say 'excuse me.' What about that truck; what color is it?"

"Big Truck"

Silence.....strange silence.

"You made a snow man at school today, didn't you? Mommy saw it. You did a good job!"

"Man. Ho HO HO!"

"Santa Claus says Ho Ho Ho, Baby. But you made a good snowman!"

"chchcha chchcha (singing) Shrek?"

"You can watch it for a few minutes when we get home while I cook you something to eat."

"Eat? Besfast? Eat eggs? Pup. Zthacksthon's pup?"

"Give me a second and I'll get your cup. We're gonna eat chicken for dinner."

"Chicken? Eat? Mines eat."

"That's right Jackson. We'll eat in a little bit."

"I hungy. I eat. Dum dum?"

Not me Monday!

Monday again. I think I'll try this "Not me Monday" thing. For some good therapy click on over to MckMama's blog and play along with Not Me Monday!

My Not me Monday:

Long story short I had to buy a car Saturday. I searched on the internet all night Friday night, all day on Saturday preparing for the long hours of beating some poor sales guy up over the numbers with my research in hand. Unfortunately I didn't find the perfect car online and gave up all hope. I went to carmax with two cars in mind, best friend, and best 4 month old in tow for moral support since I couldn't beat anyone up that day (you can't negotiate at Carmax).

I was EXHAUSTED! I test drove two cars, talked myself into the more expensive, nicer one, realized that the gas mileage was unacceptable and changed my mind. After being there an hour, I was back to square one. I don't have the patience for things like this.

So my great sales man (Cason) said, "Let me pull up everything that we have with a 3rd row seat." He found a Ford Freestyle, of which I had never even heard of. Too tired to move at this point, I told him not to bother pulling it around, just to show me pictures on the internet. He forced me to let him drive it around. I took one quick tired glance and I bought it.

So today I'm realizing just how funny it is that I'm too tired to test drive a car before I buy it. Or maybe I'm too impatient. Or maybe I'm the mom of a 25 and a 4 month old. Either way, I didn't spend over $17k on Saturday without so much as sitting in the driver's seat until Sunday! NOOOO, not me!!

I'm confessing, but I had to share

So, to post this one, I'm sharing a little something...but too funny not to share.

SOOO, I have a tattoo that looks something like this on my back. (Sorry that the image is so big. I can't figure out how to shrink it.)

Jackson saw it the other night and said "Ohhh, pretty fly fly!" [Fly Fly is butterfly in two year old language]

Justin thinks it's HILAROUS!

Time to get tattoos removed before I have to explain why he's not allowed to write on himself and draw pretty fly flys on his skin like Mommy.

Oh, stupidity...it'll kick you in the butt every time!

Not my proudest moment

I told my dearest friend this story and she said "that sounds like a blog post." Well, it's not my proudest moment and it's more about me than about my 2 baby dolls, but I'll share it anyway. I hope you enjoy it.

We met Matthew and "Enen" otherwise known as Helen, Matthew's Mommy, at the park on Sunday.

Well, let me back up. Chompers McLaughlin (otherwise known as Jackson) has been known to bite kids at school. We have NEVER seen him do it. Not at playdates, not at the park, never. But we seem to get a lot of notes sent home. One day, we got three. This is VERY upsetting to us, but we've been at a loss of what to do about it. I have always kindof hoped to catch him so that I could discipline him myself rather than allowing his only discipline to be the way they do it at school. Which consists of explaining that we don't hurt our friends and give them a hug. IT'S NOT WORKING!!

SO, back to the park. Jackson found a football and was playing with it for a long time. I just assumed that the kid must have left the ball there. Graham was being fussy because I was talking with friends while feeding him and not providing the most perfect serene environment in which to enjoy his bottle. My stress levels started to rise a little because of Graham's squirmy fussy bottle wrestling moves and then it happened.

A five year old boy (that I THINK goes to my church) said "that's my ball" and ran up to Jackson and took his ball back. And then, ball in hand, said "He bit me!"

A flood of emotions go through my head. I'm actually kindof happy that I finally get to address our biting issue and it wasn't one of his friends that I am friends with their mommies. (Is that bad?) I'm actually kindof happy that it was a big kid that didn't scream bloody murder and he really didn't hurt him. BUT I'm HORRIBLY embarrassed, I have a fussy infant that is half way through a bottle in my arms and my 2 year old is screaming. I apologize to the kid as I blow past him to get on to Jackson while holding Graham like a football. Graham is NOT happy about this whole situation. I get on to Jackson and make him give the football back to the kid (his dad made him give it to the screaming 2 year old while I was charging my way over there). I got on to Jackson and quickly decided that this was too much stress to handle. I buckled Graham in the car. I went to get Jackson, ATTEMPTED to get him to apologize to the kid and all I got was his look. It's the look that he does when he knows he's in trouble. He turns his chin away from me and rolls his eyes toward the sky, but rolls them down to peek at me every other second. LIKE HE CAN'T HEAR ME! Of course, he didn't say I'm sorry (he never has) and I'm TOTALLY mad and embarrassed. I load Jackson into the car kicking and screaming.

I decided that I'm just WAY to stressed to get on Hwy 31 so I attempt to navigate my way through the neighborhood to get home. Graham is crying in the backseat because he was only half way done with his bottle, and Jackson was crying because of the drama of the whole situation. I turned to look at a street sign to figure out where the heck I was and I NAILED a guy's mailbox. Took it clean off the post. I successfully didn't cuss in front of my screaming kids (an accomplishment in itself) and I turned into the next driveway to turn around and walk the walk of shame to the guys front door, mailbox in hand. A gawker was blocking my way out of backing out of the driveway to turn around and my blood pressure rose a little more. When he FINALLY decided to move out of my way, I backed out of the driveway and pulled back in front of the dreaded mailbox. I put my car in park, turned on my hazards, got out of my car and realized that another gawker was STILL sitting there staring at me through her driver's side mirror.

Here's my proud moment:

I aggressively charged her car, bowed up at her, and with my arms in the air yelled "WHAT?" She did the whole Oh God! She sees me! head duck and pulled away. Idiot.

I picked up the mailbox and dragged mself to his front door. I could hear Jackson yelling "DOOR" in the background because he wanted to go too. I rang the doorbell and no one answered. Relieved that I didn't have to admit my stupidity in person, I went back to my car and wrote him a note to call me and I'll buy him a new mailbox. As I was walking back up to his front door, he came out of the house and met me in the yard. I apologized profusely, and we talked for a while. He thought he could fix the mailbox and said he'd call me if he couldn't. Then he said that he was glad I stopped and that someone had hit his dog the day before and hadn't stopped. Then he informed me that the dog had died. Well that did it. I broke down and started to cry. I quickly excused myself as not to embarrass myself any more for the afternoon, and got into my car.

My stress climaxed while trying to get Jackson to tell Daddy what happened at the park and relaying the story of my afternoon and I sat at the table, fed Graham the rest of his bottle, had a good cry, and drank a big glass of wine.

Why does that make the whole day feel better?