WAKE! UP! BABY! GAM! Things I have learned Part 7

When you are 1 hour into a 4 hour car ride and your 2 year old yells "WAKE! UP! BABY! GAM!" It's going to be a looooong trip.

Just because you are at work, dressed professionally in your business suit, up to your ears in analyzing a tax return, doesn't mean you won't catch yourself singing the theme song to Clifford the Big Red Dog in your head.

Definitely pay attention when you hear your 2 year old say "Set. It. Goooo!" There's no telling what he's about to do/jump off of/throw at your car. See picture.

Even when a 2 year old has a stomach bug, it doesn't mean he won't ask for pizza for dinner.

I'm my 2 year old's girlfriend. I know because he told me.

When you leave your breakfast unattended you will find a 2 year old sitting in your chair helping himself when you return. Mainly because his 11 month old brother is chowing down on a bagel that he stole from his brother's plate. Bunch of breakfast thieves I gave birth to...

Try to never arrive home when the mail man is there. 2 year olds DO NOT understand why they don't have ice cream in their trucks.

Is that a turd hanging on my wall? Things I have Learned Part 6...all to do with poop

When you take off a baby's diaper and it appears that they pooped, but there is no poop in the diaper...DO NOT ignore it. The poop didn't disappear. You will find the golf ball sized turd dangling from your bathroom wall 3 hours later and you will think...How the hell did that get there?

When you reward your 2 year old for "poo pooing" by giving him dum dums...his poo turns the color of the previous dum dum.

It IS possible to change a dirty diaper on a sleeping 10 month old (only to be attempted on nighttime diapers 'cause it's just not worth it otherwise)...
Step 1: Hold flashlight in your mouth
Step 2: take off pants

Step 3: decide whether you are good enough at diapers to do this while he's on his tummy

Steps 4-8: Unseal, wipe wipe, slip clean one under, powder, and seal again.

Step 9: Hold still cause he just woke up

Step 10: Start to drool on your flashlight cause your trying not to breathe while holding still

Step 11: work fast cause he went back to sleep - put on pants
Steps 12 and 13: Escape and wipe off flashlight before it sparks in your mouth

Last step: Give yourself a gold star - you earned it!

I Asked

Sometimes when I ask my 2 year old a question, I get well, an answer. Sometimes I think....Well, I asked.

Here are some examples:

Me: "Which car do you want to ride to school in?"

2 Year Old: "Mmmm, my ride Ice Cream Truck."

Me: I asked.

(When I walked outside to find my hubby checking the pool chemicals and my 2 year old swimming naked)

Me: "What are you doing!?"

2 year old: "Sthwimming"

Me: I asked.

(While kissing his sunglasses)
Me: "What are you doing?"

2 year old: "My Kiss Asses"

Me: I asked.

Things I have learned Part 5

EEEshoe bunnies live at the mall. Indefinitely.

2 year olds can spot "Ridecycles" from further away then I can see.

Dinaforces are those animals that are now extinct.

Mommy's don't always get the 1st lock of hair from their baby's 1st haircut...at least not if the 1st haircut is given by the 2 year old brother. (not too bad):

If you let your 2 year old sleep with a stuffed animal, a toy airplane, and a toy shovel at night, you will be giving 4 night night kisses - one to the 2 year old, one to the stuffed animal, one to the airplane and one to the shovel. And when the 2 year old decides everyone also needs eskimo kisses...it gets interesting. Does anyone know which end of a shovel its nose is on? 'Cause that would REALLY help me out...

Oh MY! Have we done something RIGHT?

Dare I say it? We do everything wrong in this whole parenting thing, but tonight I feel proud! We may just have done something right along the way!

My 2 year old, who is normally a human tornado, was POLITE on several occasions at dinner without being prodded / forced.

We went to Yuki, a hibachi style grill, so the kids would be entertained during dinner, and Jackson surprised us on several occasions!

First, he greeted the chef, "Hey, Man" when he arrived to begin the show...much to the chef's amusement, I might add. And when the chef placed a pile of rice on his plate, J looked up and said, "Thank you!" before digging in. I was grinning like a mule eating briers! I didn't even have to threaten him!

Once more he said, "Thank you" to the chef when he placed the veggies on his plate.

The next thing that happened involved a fork, but don't let that confuse you. J insisted on eating his entire meal with chopsticks, so I'm not even sure why a fork was on his plate. He ate every bite with chopsticks and proclaimed, "I GOT IT" with every piece as he shoved it in his mouth.

The waitress walked up behind J right as G reached over and grabbed J's fork. J grabbed the fork (because he knows G isn't allowed to have them) and in the process, tossed some rice backwards, spilling it in his chair. He turned around, looked at the waitress with those big blue eyes and said with all sincerity, "Oh, I sorry." She was quite tickled at this polite toddler and said, "It's ok" to which he repeated, "I sorry."

When the show was finished, the chef slightly bowed and told us to enjoy our meals, and J said, "Thank you, Man! Bye Bye Man!

All in all, Justin and I really came out looking like the world's best parents. No one would have ever known that a few hours before he had had a complete come apart at the art show downtown in front of 300 of our closest friends. Nope. Not right now, we looked like rock stars! Either we have done SOMETHING right, or he was just prepping us for a humdinger of a day tomorrow when the human tornado arrives back in full force! :)

Baby "Gam" knew his Mommy immediately

I don't think that I've ever blogged this story, but I was writing my "Letter from Mommy" in G's baby book (Oh, yea!...good mom points for me for writing in the baby book.Somebody give me a gold star quick!) and I was reminded of one of the sweetest moments of Baby G's life...it happened within a minute of his birth.

J was breech, so of course, both my boys were delivered via pre-planned c-section. We had a camera ready for pics when J made his entrance into this world and with G, we had the great idea to catch the sound of his first cry on video. So, Justin was video taping me while all the whatever was going on behind the sheet. The doctor knew that we were videoing and I guess thought we wanted "the moment" on video and yelled "Dad! Stand up!" Justin stood up, video camera in hand, and caught the big entrance on camera! Of course there was a lot of commotion, but then it happened - the big CRY! And it was on camera along with a lot of unplanned camera shots! :) As all babies do, I assume, he screamed and screamed as Justin and I cried and cried listening to the happy sound of our baby boy's first breaths in this world.

Then the most amazing thing happened. The nurse brought him over to me and he was WORKING those lungs. I leaned my head over and whispered in his ear..."It's ok baby..." and immediately...I mean immediately...he hushed. Perfectly silent. Perfectly peaceful. He listened while I gently kissed his temple and continued to whisper..."It's ok. Mommy's here. It's ok." Within 6 or 7 seconds that seemed like minutes, the nurse told me she had to take him away and the screaming bloody murder continued as if it had never stopped.

But it had.

For those few incredible overwhelming mind blowing "cup overfloweth" moments, it had. He was at perfect peace with this bright, loud, new world that he had been forced in to. I love to watch the video from time to time to remind myself of this moment when a new born baby boy recognized his Mommy's voice for the very first time. And for that moment, he knew everything was ok because Mommy was there. I hope I never forget the way that it feels to know that he is comforted by me...even in the first moments of his life.

"What are you doing?" ... "Running."

I wonder when running went from being fun to being work...

Things I have learned Part 4

If your two year old is pretending to be a lion, watch out, there is a good chance he may bite you on the butt.

While at an Easter Egg Hunt (if you are TERRIFIED of the Easter Bunny), just sacrifice your friend and get him to watch out for the Easter Bunny while you play.

Don't call the dentist "Dr. ___." You WILL be corrected by your two year old. We really need to figure out how to clarify that Dentists are also called "Doctor".

Roosters must be from the midwest. Because they say "Howdy do di do"

Grapes are called "Besfast" even if you're eating them for dinner.

If you teach your two year old to say "scuse me" when he toots, he'll say it when EVERYONE toots.

Parmasean cheese makes EVERYTHING edible, especially green beans.

If you ask your two year old to hand his baby brother a toy to play with, he will always give him the closest:

Pencil

Sticker

Paper clip

Or anything else easily swallowed by a 7 month old

Any long skinny objects like sticks are actually swords and are used to save "Pincessthes".

Mufflers are HOT.

A 7 month old playing in the yard will eat grass. They also won't learn their lesson the first time and will eat grass 3 more times. Then the Mommy will figure out that the 7 month old isn't the one that supposed to learn the lesson; the Mommy is and she will get a blanket for the baby to sit on so he can't reach the grass.

7 month olds don't know what all the excitement is about, but they will clap and smile when their big brother goes poo poo in the potty!

Getting bit on the butt hurts, even if it's a bite from a two year old lion imitator.

Communication between brothers

Justin is out of town this week and I had an interesting night that I don't want to forget.

Jackson was sitting in a high bar stool at the table eating and Graham was in the high chair. I was cooking dinner and not really paying much attention when all of the giggling caught my attention. I turned and watched the events in wonder.

Jackson is really a man of few words and tonight he wasn't saying anything. Of course, Graham is only just shy of 7 months old, but he was apparently understanding Jackson perfectly.

Jackson was...well...talking with his eyes maybe. He was just basically making eyes at Graham...not making faces, just his eyes. Graham was CRACKING up uncontrollably and then Jackson would join in the cackling. I couldn't help but watch in wonder as this went on for almost 20 minutes. I suppose they have already started what is the beginning of a brotherly relationship and way to communicate that I'll never understand.

It was touching and sweet...and next time, I'm sneaking a camera in there!

Things that ACTUALLY came out of my mouth today

Things that ACTUALLY came out of my mouth today:

Number 5: "Take the crayon out of your nose please."

Number 4: "Calm down. Mommy didn't GO poopie. If I did, I would have let you see it, I promise."

Number 3: "Socks are for wearing, not for eating!"

Number 2: "That's Mommy's make up brush, here's yours, son."

And the number 1 thing that ACTUALLY came out of my mouth today:
"It's called a nipple."