Oh my...I screwed up Santa

So I didn't believe in Santa Claus as a kid (insert shock and awe sounds here). I know I know "That's TERRIBLE! Are you kidding? No way!" I've heard it all. I never missed it honestly. My mom taught me that Santa was a decoration. I went along with the hype because it was fun. I don't think I ever spoiled the surprise because I didn't think of it as a big deal or a surprise to spoil since I thought everybody knew that he was a decoration.

So why didn't we learn about Santa? It's a long story, but in a nutshell, my mom's aunt broke "the news" by saying that Santa was in a sleigh ride wreck and died and wouldn't be coming this year. She was so devastated that she didn't teach own her kids about Santa. (MY theory is that she just wanted credit for all of the presents, but I'll never know the truth.)

So, my big guy just turned 3 and he finally understands the concept of Santa and presents. Simultaneously, he understands the concept of poo-pooing in the potty, but just refuses to do it. I had the GREATEST idea! I'll go to www.portablenorthpole.com and have Santa send him a message and tell him to go potty in the potty! Genius, right?

Everything went off as a smashing hit when Santa pet the reindeer and talked about my 3 year old by name and looked at pictures of him, his birthday party, etc.

Then Santa winked.

All hell has pretty much broken loose at my house, and my 3 year old is not only terrified of Santa, but can't stop talking about Santa "winking him's eye". On top of that, he's MORTIFIED that Santa will be coming into his house to bring his presents. He checks the front door daily to be sure that Santa's not standing their ready to frighten him like the trick or treaters did.

So, I've pretty much set the potty training back a few dozen miles and now he's scared of Santa. So many ways to ruin a childhood and I mess up Santa. From my understanding...this is a big deal.

Sigh.

I hope I've made you feel better about your child rearing skills, but more importantly: I think I'll let Christmas be Christmas from now on and put my agenda aside. Well, until he refuses to eat his veggies...

Read more of my adventures at my personal blog: www.McLaughlin2under2.blogspot.com

Things I actually said today Part 2

#1 Please stop putting hairbrushes in the potty.

#2 Yes, mommy's cleavage DOES look like a tunnel. Thank you for pointing that out in public.

#3 No, no, no! No cars in the potty!

#4 (While wearing a "Tinkerbell gone bad" outfit for Halloween) Well, I agree, I AM a Princess and don't EVER forget it!

#5 What do you mean I'm not pretty and I'm not cool? You're 2! What do you know?

#6 NO TOOTHBRUSHES IN THE POTTY!

I've been replaced

My (almost) 3 year old has been attached at the hip to “Lightnin Keen” (aka Lightning McQueen from the movie Cars) for a few months now. He eats, sleeps, breathes, walks, rides in the car with, and carries Lightnin Keen EVERYWHERE. While in the car, he jabbers incessantly about Lightnin Keen and that he is red and “hoho” (rojo, Spanish for red), and that he is blue in some parts of the movie, and that he has eyes, and that he can talk, but in a VERY important voice, he reminds me that cars can’t really talk. On and on and on this goes. The other day, during one of these jabbering sessions, he finished with:

“Mommy, Mommy!”
“Yes, Baby”
“Lightnin Keen is my Girlfriend”

(Crickets chirping)

How do you respond to that? He used to call ME his girlfriend (and that’s a little weird), but Lightnin Keen? Oh boy, I don’t know what’s stranger. But it’s still cute and I can’t WAIT to remind him that he said this when he is about 15 years old!

So Halloween night, when you see me walking around holding a blonde headed boy's hand that is wearing a (drum roll) Lightnin Keen costume, just know, I’ve been replaced by my little boy’s new girlfriend. None other than Lightnin Keen.

The hard questions

A close friend of mine has a 7 year old son. She has taught me many things about raising boys (she's the one that taught me to say "Rub some dirt on it; you're ok!" when they fall down and look at your expression to see if they are hurt.) I'm hoping she figures out how to do this thing called child rearing and so I can sail through with everything figured out behind her...especially those hard questions...

So my friend told me about her car ride home with her 7 year old son the other day and I immediately said, "I'm SOOOO blogging that one!"

So here goes, A car ride with a 7 year old:

7 year old: Mommy, do you have a boyfriend?

Mommy: Um. Well. I have Daddy. And I guess you could call him my boyfriend.

7 year old: Unsatisfied mumblings...

Mommy: I'm not sure what you're asking, Baby.

7 year old: Well...Just like I could have a girlfriend, you could have a boyfriend.

Mommy: Well, Daddy was my boyfriend and I married him and now he's my husband. Does that answer your question?

7 year old: Well, it's just that Daddy just seems so OLD to be a boyfriend.

A car ride with a 2 and 1/2 year old

I like to write down conversations that I have with my 2 year old from time to time so that I can remember those funny little things that they say or do. He's really been jabbering up a storm in the car these days and I can't understand some of his words, so it's been hard to write it down. But here goes, in this episode I realize that I'm not appreciated in my own time. A car ride with a 2 and 1/2 year old:

Me: Baby, did you have a good day today?

J: My ca Momma ca My ca get baff! OOh, dirty ca! We go ca wasth, Mommy?

Me: Yes, we're going to go through the car wash. Who did you play with today at school?

J: My pay Maffew, Jeffrey push me. Momma Jeffrey push zthackson.

Me: Well what did you do to him is the question. Were you playing nicely?

J: Jeffrey push me.

Me: Did you hug afterwards and play nicely after that? You and Jeffrey are friends.

J: No biting fwiends!

Me: That's right! What are teeth for?
J: EATING! No bite fwiends, Momma. Dat man walking. Dat man big teef. Dog, ruff! ruff! Tat, Meeeow! Geema has tat. Papa has tat. Meeeeow. No biting tat!

Me: Yes, Geema and Papa have 2 cats. Do you know their names?

J: Be sthweet tat!

Me: Yes, we have to be sweet to the cats. Do you know anyone with a dog?

J: Sthofie! Sthofie not big dog. Be sthweet Sthofie! Be sthweet to dog! Stofie is big dog.

Me: Sophie isn't a big dog! You're silly! Who is bigger Sophie or Buddy the Cat?

J: Sthofie not big. Not big dog, Momma.

Me: Sophie is a little dog, right? Is Buddy the cat bigger that Sophie the dog?

J: Baby Gam took my ca

Me: No, he didn't you gave it to him, I saw you! You have another car, just play with that one.

J: My go ca wasth? My ca get baff? My big boy. My Sthofie. My ca get baff? My watch movie? My watch Lightnin Keen? My asthk Daddy my watch movie. My little bue ca, Mommy. Find it?

At this point, "Baby Gam" starts to cry and I make up a song about "My two boys, two boys, sweet two boys" to distract him. It stopped the crying and I was just beginning to feel proud of myself for stopping the ruckus that was about to ensue by making up such a cheerful little song...Just as I'm getting to the good part of my impromptu serenade...

J: Mommy sthop sthinging.

A puzzle for today:

A puzzle for today:

You are in the process of getting kids in the bathtub and you have a naked 12 month old and a naked 2 year old. The naked 2 year old announces that he has poo-poo on his foot.

Which one pooed and where is the rest of it??? Better yet, why do so many of my stories involve poo?

Things Daddy has learned Part 1

I realize that my blog is about being a mom of "2under2" (now '2 in under 2 years' since J had his big Happy Day Day), but Daddy gets left out from time to time. I have had a string of posts about "Things I have learned" for quite a while and I think it's time for Daddy to have a turn. So here we go, Things Daddy has Learned, Part 1:

When your 2 year old Potty Trainer nonchalantly says "no" when you ask him if he needs to go potty, he's lying. In approximately 3.5 minutes, you will see the evidence of this lie dripping down his leg while you tie his shoes. Late for work again...

A 6 month old will crawl off of a bed if you fall asleep. Even if you are holding his ankle. So will a 9 month old and a 10 month old. Ever heard the old saying about doing the same thing but expecting a different result?

There will be more to come, I'm sure. Daddy has to laugh at himself just like Mommy!

Things the Grandparents have learned...Part 1

I have done a series of posts called "Things I have Learned". They encompass things that I have learned as a mother as well as things that my two precious boys (2 and 1/2 years and a 12 month old) have learned. In turn, when they learn things...I learn also. Well, I mainly learn that a 2 year old will try 'X'. For example "Things I have learned: Mufflers are HOT!" That kind of thing.

I've been building a new blog post in my mind for some time now called Things the Grandparents have learned...so here goes....Part 1 (because I'm sure there will be more):
(click the picture to enlarge and get the full effect)

A 2 year old left alone for 3 seconds will

first, find scissors

next, cut his baby brother's hair

Lastly, comfort his screaming baby brother by giving him toys and saying "I sorry I sorry!"

If you put a plate of tacos down in front of a 10 month old at a restaurant, you will be buying another plate of food 'cause the floor ate yours approximately a millisecond after you put it down. Those jokers are fast!

Even after 29 years, it is STILL not ok to let an 18 month old run around the house naked. There will be poo. Yes, I know it's been 29 years, but toddlers STILL haven't learned.

When a 2 year old poos, DON'T leave him alone on the potty! When you return, he WILL be sitting in your chair...not even a pressure washer can fix that! AND, while you're cleaning THAT up, rest assured the baby is eating the dog's food with a spoon.

More to come, I'm sure. Stay tuned!

Generalizations

Let's face it. Kids generalize about things. For my 2 year old, everything with a mustache is Papa. I say "everything" because this includes otters. I discovered a new generalization that my sweet little one has about beards today.

It all started when my husband called to let me know that the power was out at our house and would be back up around 6 pm. So, I picked up the kids from their schools and headed straight for "Chickifay" to eat dinner and play on the playground. I turned early into a Mexican restaurant's parking lot to cheat the Chickifay red light when my 2 year old exclaimed, "My eat dere" and pointed at the Mexican restaurant. He was very excited as we walked up to the entrance because there are 8 or 9 Mariachi band members made of metal in the front walkway. (This explains why he wanted to eat "dere".)



He wandered through the artwork checking them out and repeating, "This Jesus" "This Nudder Jesus". When he came to the guitar playing band member, he said "This Jesus Pay Geeta!" This is when I couldn't help but take his picture.

I realized during this episode that to my 2 year old, everything with a mustache is Papa, but everything with a beard is Jesus.

My two year old is smarter than me

My 2 year old was in big trouble for biting a friend at school and I decided to see if he understood the concept of getting fun things taken away for the afternoon as punishment.

We were eating dinner and discussing the punishments when "Unckie John" (who was visiting for a few days) came up the stairs and asked if J could go swimming with him. I made a big deal out of saying "No, Unckie John, J can't go swimming tonight because he bit his friend today at school."

While Unckie John was outside, J asked more questions:

J: Unckie John go sthwimming?
Me: Yes, Unckie John didn't bite his friend today, so he gets to go swimming.
J: My go sthwimming?
Me: No, baby, you can't because you bit your friend.
J: My go outside?
Me: No, not tonight you can't.
J: My take off shirt?
Me: No, Baby
J: My watch movie?
Me: No, Baby, listen. You bit your friend, so no swimming, no going outside, no taking off your shirt and no movies.
J: And no milk! and no NightNight! No Sthur!

Between stifled giggles I managed to say "Nice Try"