My squishy and My really cute but impossible to understand babies

There are two scenes of the movie Finding Nemo that remind me of my two kids:

"I shall call him Squishy
and he shall be mine
and he shall be my Squishy"










"...You know you're really cute, but I don't know what you're SAYING!"

A car ride with a 28 month old

I like to write about my conversations with Jackson because this is really a way for me to one day print out and add to a baby book since I'm so terrible at writing in it. This way I'll always remember some of the funny little things that he says. I also want to remember that for a little while, he's been calling me Mody instead of Mommy. I'm so afraid it will end and I'll forget it.

So here goes, A Car Ride with a 28 month old:

"Jackson, did you have good day today?"

"Pay Fiends. Jo Jo bite hurrs."

"Joseph bit you today, huh? It hurts when your friends bite, doesn't it?"

"mmhmm."

"I think the answer you are looking for is 'Yes, Ma'am.'"

"NO mam. Daddy mam?"

"You say 'Sir' to Daddy and 'Ma'am' to Mommy." (We've been working on this.) "I need you to say Yes, Maam please, not mmhmm."

"No. mam."

"Say 'yes, maam' Jackson"

"Es no mam"

"Yyyeeesss Maam. Try again"

"Nooo!"

"Jackson!"

"Es no mam"

"Yes maam"

Silence...."Es maam. Daddy wook?"

Oh Thank God. Sometimes that can go on for 20 minutes. "Thank you. Daddy is at home. He'll be there when we get there. Tell me more about school. Did you play with Kennedy?"

"Kenddiddy hug. Pay truck, big truck, fida truck, CRASHHHHH oooh! Pay bue truck fida truck. Pay park. Funny laugh Fiends Kate, Kenddiddy, Charey. I dink pup. See house Mody? See it?Potty oh MMs!"

"Whew. You did a lot today!"

"Baby Gam?"

"We're not getting Baby Graham today Baby. Daddy already picked him up and they are at home waiting for us to get there and eat dinner."

"Baby Gam chuch."

"Yes, that's Graham school isn't it." (There is a church in front of the day care.)

"mmhmm. Boy Mody! See it? Boy. Wunning. See it? See it Mody? Two dogs!"

"That's right. I see the boy. He has two dogs. Very good."

"Daddy running, see it? Ohh! Poyce ca see it?"

"Baby, every man isn't Daddy. That's a man, ok? Did you sing any good songs at school today?"

"mmmhmm. memememememe. Bue ca Mody"

"Oh, Jesus loves me? I see the blue car. Can you sing Jesus Loves me to Mommy?"

"Mememe. Fida Truck is ni ni Mody. Seeya fida truck! Ni ni! (He thinks that when we pass the fire station and the garage doors are closed that the fire truck is sleeping.) See tree, Mody? See it? See car Mody? See it? See ooooo whats that?"

"Thats a sign Baby. Finish telling me what you played with at school today."

"I pay chuch. Oooh, moon Mody. See it?"

"You didn't play at church today! You're silly! Finish singing that song you were singing to Mommy!"

"chchachacha. Shrek, Mody! I watch it? CD? I watch it?"

"How about you play with your trains instead?"

"Thos?"

"Yes, Thomas! You should definitely play with Thomas tonight."

"Pitcha!"

"No, Baby, I'm not taking a picture, I was just putting my phone in my purse."

"Pitcha Mody! CHEEEESE! Take Pitcha!"

"Baby I can't take your picture. I'm driving. We'll do it tonight when we get home."

"Read books, Mody? I eat? I ride bike? Oooh, Fall down, Mody. I pay park? I eat dum dum? OH! Zthackthon house, Mody! Daddy truck! See it? See wagon, Mody? I pay wagon."

Whew! We're home! And "Zthackthon" has big plans for tonight. "Come on! Hop out!"

"no."

"Did you mean to say 'Yes, maam?"

"No Maam, Mody"

Sigh...here we go again...

Snow Day in Birmingham

So, in the south it snows from time to time. Thank God it doesn't happen often because the whole world MUST come to a stand still when it does. Schools close, day care calls to say come get your kid, businesses close, grocery stores run out of milk and toilet paper, cars won't crank, tumbleweed rolls down the interstate...IT'S SNOWING! We can't open our front door - what do you mean go to work?

I'm sure the damn Yankees think we're crazy (for those of you unfamiliar: a Yankee visits from up North; a damn Yankee is one who stays love you Prissy), but in all reality we're just not set up to handle it. We don't have snow plows or giant salt shakers (no, I DON'T know what they are ACTUALLY called). So we shut down. Completely. However, I find it really funny that when we had almost 3 snow days in a row people figured out how to go to work and school anyway. Apparently it's not possible to open your front door the first day, nor the second day unless you are making a snow man, but the third day? Southerners learn to drive in the snow, and their kids learn to go to school in spite of it. Amazing how that works.

Nevertheless, we enjoyed our snow day. I'm so aggravated that I forgot to take pics of the snow man that Jackson built...or the snow man that I built in spite of Jackson trying to destroy it incessantly. Whatever, he was happy with the end result.

Here are some pictures from our Birmingham Snow Day

This is quite possibly my favorite pic of all time:



This is Daddy shaking the tree to make it snow on Jackson and Jackson getting his turn to shake the tree:




Don't eat yellow snow:

Always have an Ace in your purse

So, it rained today. I mean it raaaaaained today. All day long. I had a 3:15 appointment at a prospect's office and left in the rain. At this point I looked...sprinkled on.

I got in my car and realized "OH CRAP! It's 5:21! I have 39 minutes to pick up Jackson and Graham before I have to pay $5 per minute! GOTTA GO!" So I fly through the pouring rain to Jackson's day care. Toss him in the car, buckle him up, and look at the clock...21 minutes to get to Graham's day care. At this point I look...rained on.

Red lights red lights, traffic, rain, red lights, cars, a bike (what? really?) more rain, more red lights and I get there! 5 minutes before the cutoff! Excellent! I unbuckle Jackson, unload Jackson, get Graham, load Jackson, buckle Jackson, buckle Graham and load Graham. This took a lot of running around to the various doors in my car. So at this point, I look...damp.

I'm thinking about dinner all the way home since I know Justin isn't home tonight and it's getting close to bathtime since my appointment ran so late this afternoon. I pull into the driveway at 19 minutes until bathtime (otherwise known as 6:11) and I reach to the back and unbuckle Jackson. (This was my grand plan to save myself from getting a little more wet.) Then it hits me. I don't have a key to the house and Justin won't be home until 9:30 tonight from CPR class. I go to the side door, locked. I go through the gate to the back door, locked. I climb on the air conditioner and check a window, locked. I pass my car and see Jackson in the front seat testing the blinkers and hazard lights...Shrug that off...and I go to the front door, locked. CRAP. I get Jackson loaded back into the back seat and buckle him up. I plop myself into the car still unsure of what to do. At THIS point, I look...wet.


I have no cell phone because I left the house without it this morning. Why? Because I have two small children, keep up! I have three options:
1 - sit in my car and feel sorry for myself while my two children starve to death.
2 - drive to Jeff State and sell my body on the street corner for use of a cell phone to call Justin 47 times in a row in the hopes that he answers during class and brings me out some keys.
3 - Go get some food for Jackson while I keep thinking.

...STACY! She has a key!

We have a plan.

Jackson ate a McChicken while I drove to Stacy's house. I arrived at Stacy's at 9 minutes past bathtime. I left Jackson and Graham in the car while Jackson yelled "Drew House!" I jogged up her front steps and knocked on the door. Through the front door window I saw her look at me with a very concerned and worried look on her face. She opened the door. At this point, I look like a DROWNED RAT!!

With the attitude of someone who hadn't slept in a week, I said, "Can I have my house key?" All the worry and concern left her brows and she made that sound that you make if your mouth is full of water and someone makes you laugh...that helped. She gave me a key, offered me dinner (as all good Southern women do), and said "I'm OBVIOUSLY going to need this key back." I said "Yes, maam. I'm also going to make one for my neighbor" and took my drowned rat butt back to my car.

Jackson was SOOOO upset about not going into see Drew and I needed an Ace.

Explanation: I call it an Ace. It's that thing you have to remedy all unpredictable situations. (No, it's not a spare key.) It's a kid thing. It could be a hot wheels car in your purse at a restaurant when your child's patience has run out. "SURPRISE! Mommy has a HOT WHEELS car in her purse and she has officially bought the 5 minutes that she needs until the food gets here!" OR, it could be the one I use EVERY night. The chewable gummy vitamin. I use that Ace at some point to get Jackson to do what I want him to do. Climb into his high chair for dinner, go upstairs for a bath, quit going potty and put on his pjs, brush his teeth....at any point that I need it..."Here's your vitamin! You can have it when you finish your green beans!" Most nights we don't need it, but the true test is if you don't need your Ace and you can give him the vitamin at the END of the evening with no strings attached.

So, back to Jackson being upset. "Drew House! Down! Pees Down! Drew House!" There is a complete come apart well on it's way. I need an Ace. OOHH! I've got one in my purse! I have cleaned out my purse several times over the last couple of months...yes, months... and every time, I find this individually wrapped twizzler. I don't EVEN remember where I got it. But every time I clean out my purse and start to throw it away, I think...oh no, that's an Ace! And I put it back in my purse. So, I presented the Ace to Jackson and life as we know it was all of a sudden no longer about to end. NO, I'm not going to be Mommy of the Year anytime soon for giving my kid a McChicken and a twizzler for dinner, but we were in a state of emergency.

I pull into the driveway at 27 minutes past bath time and unload the car. Upon car exit Jackson saw the McDonalds cup of water and had another come apart...something about straws...God only knows. I was barely able to walk because I had Graham, diaper bags, coats, purses, dirty bags of clothes, and God only knows what else in my arms. I said "Jackson! Come inside! It's RAINING!" I went on in and started making Graham's bottle. Jackson finally entered still crying about the cup and I said, "Stop Crying. Now go shut the front door."

Still crying.

"Jackson, shut the door and stop crying and I'll give you your vitamin."

Damn! We JUST got home and I already played my Ace!