Oh my...I screwed up Santa

So I didn't believe in Santa Claus as a kid (insert shock and awe sounds here). I know I know "That's TERRIBLE! Are you kidding? No way!" I've heard it all. I never missed it honestly. My mom taught me that Santa was a decoration. I went along with the hype because it was fun. I don't think I ever spoiled the surprise because I didn't think of it as a big deal or a surprise to spoil since I thought everybody knew that he was a decoration.

So why didn't we learn about Santa? It's a long story, but in a nutshell, my mom's aunt broke "the news" by saying that Santa was in a sleigh ride wreck and died and wouldn't be coming this year. She was so devastated that she didn't teach own her kids about Santa. (MY theory is that she just wanted credit for all of the presents, but I'll never know the truth.)

So, my big guy just turned 3 and he finally understands the concept of Santa and presents. Simultaneously, he understands the concept of poo-pooing in the potty, but just refuses to do it. I had the GREATEST idea! I'll go to www.portablenorthpole.com and have Santa send him a message and tell him to go potty in the potty! Genius, right?

Everything went off as a smashing hit when Santa pet the reindeer and talked about my 3 year old by name and looked at pictures of him, his birthday party, etc.

Then Santa winked.

All hell has pretty much broken loose at my house, and my 3 year old is not only terrified of Santa, but can't stop talking about Santa "winking him's eye". On top of that, he's MORTIFIED that Santa will be coming into his house to bring his presents. He checks the front door daily to be sure that Santa's not standing their ready to frighten him like the trick or treaters did.

So, I've pretty much set the potty training back a few dozen miles and now he's scared of Santa. So many ways to ruin a childhood and I mess up Santa. From my understanding...this is a big deal.

Sigh.

I hope I've made you feel better about your child rearing skills, but more importantly: I think I'll let Christmas be Christmas from now on and put my agenda aside. Well, until he refuses to eat his veggies...

Read more of my adventures at my personal blog: www.McLaughlin2under2.blogspot.com

Things I actually said today Part 2

#1 Please stop putting hairbrushes in the potty.

#2 Yes, mommy's cleavage DOES look like a tunnel. Thank you for pointing that out in public.

#3 No, no, no! No cars in the potty!

#4 (While wearing a "Tinkerbell gone bad" outfit for Halloween) Well, I agree, I AM a Princess and don't EVER forget it!

#5 What do you mean I'm not pretty and I'm not cool? You're 2! What do you know?

#6 NO TOOTHBRUSHES IN THE POTTY!

I've been replaced

My (almost) 3 year old has been attached at the hip to “Lightnin Keen” (aka Lightning McQueen from the movie Cars) for a few months now. He eats, sleeps, breathes, walks, rides in the car with, and carries Lightnin Keen EVERYWHERE. While in the car, he jabbers incessantly about Lightnin Keen and that he is red and “hoho” (rojo, Spanish for red), and that he is blue in some parts of the movie, and that he has eyes, and that he can talk, but in a VERY important voice, he reminds me that cars can’t really talk. On and on and on this goes. The other day, during one of these jabbering sessions, he finished with:

“Mommy, Mommy!”
“Yes, Baby”
“Lightnin Keen is my Girlfriend”

(Crickets chirping)

How do you respond to that? He used to call ME his girlfriend (and that’s a little weird), but Lightnin Keen? Oh boy, I don’t know what’s stranger. But it’s still cute and I can’t WAIT to remind him that he said this when he is about 15 years old!

So Halloween night, when you see me walking around holding a blonde headed boy's hand that is wearing a (drum roll) Lightnin Keen costume, just know, I’ve been replaced by my little boy’s new girlfriend. None other than Lightnin Keen.

The hard questions

A close friend of mine has a 7 year old son. She has taught me many things about raising boys (she's the one that taught me to say "Rub some dirt on it; you're ok!" when they fall down and look at your expression to see if they are hurt.) I'm hoping she figures out how to do this thing called child rearing and so I can sail through with everything figured out behind her...especially those hard questions...

So my friend told me about her car ride home with her 7 year old son the other day and I immediately said, "I'm SOOOO blogging that one!"

So here goes, A car ride with a 7 year old:

7 year old: Mommy, do you have a boyfriend?

Mommy: Um. Well. I have Daddy. And I guess you could call him my boyfriend.

7 year old: Unsatisfied mumblings...

Mommy: I'm not sure what you're asking, Baby.

7 year old: Well...Just like I could have a girlfriend, you could have a boyfriend.

Mommy: Well, Daddy was my boyfriend and I married him and now he's my husband. Does that answer your question?

7 year old: Well, it's just that Daddy just seems so OLD to be a boyfriend.

A car ride with a 2 and 1/2 year old

I like to write down conversations that I have with my 2 year old from time to time so that I can remember those funny little things that they say or do. He's really been jabbering up a storm in the car these days and I can't understand some of his words, so it's been hard to write it down. But here goes, in this episode I realize that I'm not appreciated in my own time. A car ride with a 2 and 1/2 year old:

Me: Baby, did you have a good day today?

J: My ca Momma ca My ca get baff! OOh, dirty ca! We go ca wasth, Mommy?

Me: Yes, we're going to go through the car wash. Who did you play with today at school?

J: My pay Maffew, Jeffrey push me. Momma Jeffrey push zthackson.

Me: Well what did you do to him is the question. Were you playing nicely?

J: Jeffrey push me.

Me: Did you hug afterwards and play nicely after that? You and Jeffrey are friends.

J: No biting fwiends!

Me: That's right! What are teeth for?
J: EATING! No bite fwiends, Momma. Dat man walking. Dat man big teef. Dog, ruff! ruff! Tat, Meeeow! Geema has tat. Papa has tat. Meeeeow. No biting tat!

Me: Yes, Geema and Papa have 2 cats. Do you know their names?

J: Be sthweet tat!

Me: Yes, we have to be sweet to the cats. Do you know anyone with a dog?

J: Sthofie! Sthofie not big dog. Be sthweet Sthofie! Be sthweet to dog! Stofie is big dog.

Me: Sophie isn't a big dog! You're silly! Who is bigger Sophie or Buddy the Cat?

J: Sthofie not big. Not big dog, Momma.

Me: Sophie is a little dog, right? Is Buddy the cat bigger that Sophie the dog?

J: Baby Gam took my ca

Me: No, he didn't you gave it to him, I saw you! You have another car, just play with that one.

J: My go ca wasth? My ca get baff? My big boy. My Sthofie. My ca get baff? My watch movie? My watch Lightnin Keen? My asthk Daddy my watch movie. My little bue ca, Mommy. Find it?

At this point, "Baby Gam" starts to cry and I make up a song about "My two boys, two boys, sweet two boys" to distract him. It stopped the crying and I was just beginning to feel proud of myself for stopping the ruckus that was about to ensue by making up such a cheerful little song...Just as I'm getting to the good part of my impromptu serenade...

J: Mommy sthop sthinging.

A puzzle for today:

A puzzle for today:

You are in the process of getting kids in the bathtub and you have a naked 12 month old and a naked 2 year old. The naked 2 year old announces that he has poo-poo on his foot.

Which one pooed and where is the rest of it??? Better yet, why do so many of my stories involve poo?

Things Daddy has learned Part 1

I realize that my blog is about being a mom of "2under2" (now '2 in under 2 years' since J had his big Happy Day Day), but Daddy gets left out from time to time. I have had a string of posts about "Things I have learned" for quite a while and I think it's time for Daddy to have a turn. So here we go, Things Daddy has Learned, Part 1:

When your 2 year old Potty Trainer nonchalantly says "no" when you ask him if he needs to go potty, he's lying. In approximately 3.5 minutes, you will see the evidence of this lie dripping down his leg while you tie his shoes. Late for work again...

A 6 month old will crawl off of a bed if you fall asleep. Even if you are holding his ankle. So will a 9 month old and a 10 month old. Ever heard the old saying about doing the same thing but expecting a different result?

There will be more to come, I'm sure. Daddy has to laugh at himself just like Mommy!

Things the Grandparents have learned...Part 1

I have done a series of posts called "Things I have Learned". They encompass things that I have learned as a mother as well as things that my two precious boys (2 and 1/2 years and a 12 month old) have learned. In turn, when they learn things...I learn also. Well, I mainly learn that a 2 year old will try 'X'. For example "Things I have learned: Mufflers are HOT!" That kind of thing.

I've been building a new blog post in my mind for some time now called Things the Grandparents have learned...so here goes....Part 1 (because I'm sure there will be more):
(click the picture to enlarge and get the full effect)

A 2 year old left alone for 3 seconds will

first, find scissors

next, cut his baby brother's hair

Lastly, comfort his screaming baby brother by giving him toys and saying "I sorry I sorry!"

If you put a plate of tacos down in front of a 10 month old at a restaurant, you will be buying another plate of food 'cause the floor ate yours approximately a millisecond after you put it down. Those jokers are fast!

Even after 29 years, it is STILL not ok to let an 18 month old run around the house naked. There will be poo. Yes, I know it's been 29 years, but toddlers STILL haven't learned.

When a 2 year old poos, DON'T leave him alone on the potty! When you return, he WILL be sitting in your chair...not even a pressure washer can fix that! AND, while you're cleaning THAT up, rest assured the baby is eating the dog's food with a spoon.

More to come, I'm sure. Stay tuned!

Generalizations

Let's face it. Kids generalize about things. For my 2 year old, everything with a mustache is Papa. I say "everything" because this includes otters. I discovered a new generalization that my sweet little one has about beards today.

It all started when my husband called to let me know that the power was out at our house and would be back up around 6 pm. So, I picked up the kids from their schools and headed straight for "Chickifay" to eat dinner and play on the playground. I turned early into a Mexican restaurant's parking lot to cheat the Chickifay red light when my 2 year old exclaimed, "My eat dere" and pointed at the Mexican restaurant. He was very excited as we walked up to the entrance because there are 8 or 9 Mariachi band members made of metal in the front walkway. (This explains why he wanted to eat "dere".)



He wandered through the artwork checking them out and repeating, "This Jesus" "This Nudder Jesus". When he came to the guitar playing band member, he said "This Jesus Pay Geeta!" This is when I couldn't help but take his picture.

I realized during this episode that to my 2 year old, everything with a mustache is Papa, but everything with a beard is Jesus.

My two year old is smarter than me

My 2 year old was in big trouble for biting a friend at school and I decided to see if he understood the concept of getting fun things taken away for the afternoon as punishment.

We were eating dinner and discussing the punishments when "Unckie John" (who was visiting for a few days) came up the stairs and asked if J could go swimming with him. I made a big deal out of saying "No, Unckie John, J can't go swimming tonight because he bit his friend today at school."

While Unckie John was outside, J asked more questions:

J: Unckie John go sthwimming?
Me: Yes, Unckie John didn't bite his friend today, so he gets to go swimming.
J: My go sthwimming?
Me: No, baby, you can't because you bit your friend.
J: My go outside?
Me: No, not tonight you can't.
J: My take off shirt?
Me: No, Baby
J: My watch movie?
Me: No, Baby, listen. You bit your friend, so no swimming, no going outside, no taking off your shirt and no movies.
J: And no milk! and no NightNight! No Sthur!

Between stifled giggles I managed to say "Nice Try"

WAKE! UP! BABY! GAM! Things I have learned Part 7

When you are 1 hour into a 4 hour car ride and your 2 year old yells "WAKE! UP! BABY! GAM!" It's going to be a looooong trip.

Just because you are at work, dressed professionally in your business suit, up to your ears in analyzing a tax return, doesn't mean you won't catch yourself singing the theme song to Clifford the Big Red Dog in your head.

Definitely pay attention when you hear your 2 year old say "Set. It. Goooo!" There's no telling what he's about to do/jump off of/throw at your car. See picture.

Even when a 2 year old has a stomach bug, it doesn't mean he won't ask for pizza for dinner.

I'm my 2 year old's girlfriend. I know because he told me.

When you leave your breakfast unattended you will find a 2 year old sitting in your chair helping himself when you return. Mainly because his 11 month old brother is chowing down on a bagel that he stole from his brother's plate. Bunch of breakfast thieves I gave birth to...

Try to never arrive home when the mail man is there. 2 year olds DO NOT understand why they don't have ice cream in their trucks.

Is that a turd hanging on my wall? Things I have Learned Part 6...all to do with poop

When you take off a baby's diaper and it appears that they pooped, but there is no poop in the diaper...DO NOT ignore it. The poop didn't disappear. You will find the golf ball sized turd dangling from your bathroom wall 3 hours later and you will think...How the hell did that get there?

When you reward your 2 year old for "poo pooing" by giving him dum dums...his poo turns the color of the previous dum dum.

It IS possible to change a dirty diaper on a sleeping 10 month old (only to be attempted on nighttime diapers 'cause it's just not worth it otherwise)...
Step 1: Hold flashlight in your mouth
Step 2: take off pants

Step 3: decide whether you are good enough at diapers to do this while he's on his tummy

Steps 4-8: Unseal, wipe wipe, slip clean one under, powder, and seal again.

Step 9: Hold still cause he just woke up

Step 10: Start to drool on your flashlight cause your trying not to breathe while holding still

Step 11: work fast cause he went back to sleep - put on pants
Steps 12 and 13: Escape and wipe off flashlight before it sparks in your mouth

Last step: Give yourself a gold star - you earned it!

I Asked

Sometimes when I ask my 2 year old a question, I get well, an answer. Sometimes I think....Well, I asked.

Here are some examples:

Me: "Which car do you want to ride to school in?"

2 Year Old: "Mmmm, my ride Ice Cream Truck."

Me: I asked.

(When I walked outside to find my hubby checking the pool chemicals and my 2 year old swimming naked)

Me: "What are you doing!?"

2 year old: "Sthwimming"

Me: I asked.

(While kissing his sunglasses)
Me: "What are you doing?"

2 year old: "My Kiss Asses"

Me: I asked.

Things I have learned Part 5

EEEshoe bunnies live at the mall. Indefinitely.

2 year olds can spot "Ridecycles" from further away then I can see.

Dinaforces are those animals that are now extinct.

Mommy's don't always get the 1st lock of hair from their baby's 1st haircut...at least not if the 1st haircut is given by the 2 year old brother. (not too bad):

If you let your 2 year old sleep with a stuffed animal, a toy airplane, and a toy shovel at night, you will be giving 4 night night kisses - one to the 2 year old, one to the stuffed animal, one to the airplane and one to the shovel. And when the 2 year old decides everyone also needs eskimo kisses...it gets interesting. Does anyone know which end of a shovel its nose is on? 'Cause that would REALLY help me out...

Oh MY! Have we done something RIGHT?

Dare I say it? We do everything wrong in this whole parenting thing, but tonight I feel proud! We may just have done something right along the way!

My 2 year old, who is normally a human tornado, was POLITE on several occasions at dinner without being prodded / forced.

We went to Yuki, a hibachi style grill, so the kids would be entertained during dinner, and Jackson surprised us on several occasions!

First, he greeted the chef, "Hey, Man" when he arrived to begin the show...much to the chef's amusement, I might add. And when the chef placed a pile of rice on his plate, J looked up and said, "Thank you!" before digging in. I was grinning like a mule eating briers! I didn't even have to threaten him!

Once more he said, "Thank you" to the chef when he placed the veggies on his plate.

The next thing that happened involved a fork, but don't let that confuse you. J insisted on eating his entire meal with chopsticks, so I'm not even sure why a fork was on his plate. He ate every bite with chopsticks and proclaimed, "I GOT IT" with every piece as he shoved it in his mouth.

The waitress walked up behind J right as G reached over and grabbed J's fork. J grabbed the fork (because he knows G isn't allowed to have them) and in the process, tossed some rice backwards, spilling it in his chair. He turned around, looked at the waitress with those big blue eyes and said with all sincerity, "Oh, I sorry." She was quite tickled at this polite toddler and said, "It's ok" to which he repeated, "I sorry."

When the show was finished, the chef slightly bowed and told us to enjoy our meals, and J said, "Thank you, Man! Bye Bye Man!

All in all, Justin and I really came out looking like the world's best parents. No one would have ever known that a few hours before he had had a complete come apart at the art show downtown in front of 300 of our closest friends. Nope. Not right now, we looked like rock stars! Either we have done SOMETHING right, or he was just prepping us for a humdinger of a day tomorrow when the human tornado arrives back in full force! :)

Baby "Gam" knew his Mommy immediately

I don't think that I've ever blogged this story, but I was writing my "Letter from Mommy" in G's baby book (Oh, yea!...good mom points for me for writing in the baby book.Somebody give me a gold star quick!) and I was reminded of one of the sweetest moments of Baby G's life...it happened within a minute of his birth.

J was breech, so of course, both my boys were delivered via pre-planned c-section. We had a camera ready for pics when J made his entrance into this world and with G, we had the great idea to catch the sound of his first cry on video. So, Justin was video taping me while all the whatever was going on behind the sheet. The doctor knew that we were videoing and I guess thought we wanted "the moment" on video and yelled "Dad! Stand up!" Justin stood up, video camera in hand, and caught the big entrance on camera! Of course there was a lot of commotion, but then it happened - the big CRY! And it was on camera along with a lot of unplanned camera shots! :) As all babies do, I assume, he screamed and screamed as Justin and I cried and cried listening to the happy sound of our baby boy's first breaths in this world.

Then the most amazing thing happened. The nurse brought him over to me and he was WORKING those lungs. I leaned my head over and whispered in his ear..."It's ok baby..." and immediately...I mean immediately...he hushed. Perfectly silent. Perfectly peaceful. He listened while I gently kissed his temple and continued to whisper..."It's ok. Mommy's here. It's ok." Within 6 or 7 seconds that seemed like minutes, the nurse told me she had to take him away and the screaming bloody murder continued as if it had never stopped.

But it had.

For those few incredible overwhelming mind blowing "cup overfloweth" moments, it had. He was at perfect peace with this bright, loud, new world that he had been forced in to. I love to watch the video from time to time to remind myself of this moment when a new born baby boy recognized his Mommy's voice for the very first time. And for that moment, he knew everything was ok because Mommy was there. I hope I never forget the way that it feels to know that he is comforted by me...even in the first moments of his life.

"What are you doing?" ... "Running."

I wonder when running went from being fun to being work...

Things I have learned Part 4

If your two year old is pretending to be a lion, watch out, there is a good chance he may bite you on the butt.

While at an Easter Egg Hunt (if you are TERRIFIED of the Easter Bunny), just sacrifice your friend and get him to watch out for the Easter Bunny while you play.

Don't call the dentist "Dr. ___." You WILL be corrected by your two year old. We really need to figure out how to clarify that Dentists are also called "Doctor".

Roosters must be from the midwest. Because they say "Howdy do di do"

Grapes are called "Besfast" even if you're eating them for dinner.

If you teach your two year old to say "scuse me" when he toots, he'll say it when EVERYONE toots.

Parmasean cheese makes EVERYTHING edible, especially green beans.

If you ask your two year old to hand his baby brother a toy to play with, he will always give him the closest:

Pencil

Sticker

Paper clip

Or anything else easily swallowed by a 7 month old

Any long skinny objects like sticks are actually swords and are used to save "Pincessthes".

Mufflers are HOT.

A 7 month old playing in the yard will eat grass. They also won't learn their lesson the first time and will eat grass 3 more times. Then the Mommy will figure out that the 7 month old isn't the one that supposed to learn the lesson; the Mommy is and she will get a blanket for the baby to sit on so he can't reach the grass.

7 month olds don't know what all the excitement is about, but they will clap and smile when their big brother goes poo poo in the potty!

Getting bit on the butt hurts, even if it's a bite from a two year old lion imitator.

Communication between brothers

Justin is out of town this week and I had an interesting night that I don't want to forget.

Jackson was sitting in a high bar stool at the table eating and Graham was in the high chair. I was cooking dinner and not really paying much attention when all of the giggling caught my attention. I turned and watched the events in wonder.

Jackson is really a man of few words and tonight he wasn't saying anything. Of course, Graham is only just shy of 7 months old, but he was apparently understanding Jackson perfectly.

Jackson was...well...talking with his eyes maybe. He was just basically making eyes at Graham...not making faces, just his eyes. Graham was CRACKING up uncontrollably and then Jackson would join in the cackling. I couldn't help but watch in wonder as this went on for almost 20 minutes. I suppose they have already started what is the beginning of a brotherly relationship and way to communicate that I'll never understand.

It was touching and sweet...and next time, I'm sneaking a camera in there!

Things that ACTUALLY came out of my mouth today

Things that ACTUALLY came out of my mouth today:

Number 5: "Take the crayon out of your nose please."

Number 4: "Calm down. Mommy didn't GO poopie. If I did, I would have let you see it, I promise."

Number 3: "Socks are for wearing, not for eating!"

Number 2: "That's Mommy's make up brush, here's yours, son."

And the number 1 thing that ACTUALLY came out of my mouth today:
"It's called a nipple."

My squishy and My really cute but impossible to understand babies

There are two scenes of the movie Finding Nemo that remind me of my two kids:

"I shall call him Squishy
and he shall be mine
and he shall be my Squishy"










"...You know you're really cute, but I don't know what you're SAYING!"

A car ride with a 28 month old

I like to write about my conversations with Jackson because this is really a way for me to one day print out and add to a baby book since I'm so terrible at writing in it. This way I'll always remember some of the funny little things that he says. I also want to remember that for a little while, he's been calling me Mody instead of Mommy. I'm so afraid it will end and I'll forget it.

So here goes, A Car Ride with a 28 month old:

"Jackson, did you have good day today?"

"Pay Fiends. Jo Jo bite hurrs."

"Joseph bit you today, huh? It hurts when your friends bite, doesn't it?"

"mmhmm."

"I think the answer you are looking for is 'Yes, Ma'am.'"

"NO mam. Daddy mam?"

"You say 'Sir' to Daddy and 'Ma'am' to Mommy." (We've been working on this.) "I need you to say Yes, Maam please, not mmhmm."

"No. mam."

"Say 'yes, maam' Jackson"

"Es no mam"

"Yyyeeesss Maam. Try again"

"Nooo!"

"Jackson!"

"Es no mam"

"Yes maam"

Silence...."Es maam. Daddy wook?"

Oh Thank God. Sometimes that can go on for 20 minutes. "Thank you. Daddy is at home. He'll be there when we get there. Tell me more about school. Did you play with Kennedy?"

"Kenddiddy hug. Pay truck, big truck, fida truck, CRASHHHHH oooh! Pay bue truck fida truck. Pay park. Funny laugh Fiends Kate, Kenddiddy, Charey. I dink pup. See house Mody? See it?Potty oh MMs!"

"Whew. You did a lot today!"

"Baby Gam?"

"We're not getting Baby Graham today Baby. Daddy already picked him up and they are at home waiting for us to get there and eat dinner."

"Baby Gam chuch."

"Yes, that's Graham school isn't it." (There is a church in front of the day care.)

"mmhmm. Boy Mody! See it? Boy. Wunning. See it? See it Mody? Two dogs!"

"That's right. I see the boy. He has two dogs. Very good."

"Daddy running, see it? Ohh! Poyce ca see it?"

"Baby, every man isn't Daddy. That's a man, ok? Did you sing any good songs at school today?"

"mmmhmm. memememememe. Bue ca Mody"

"Oh, Jesus loves me? I see the blue car. Can you sing Jesus Loves me to Mommy?"

"Mememe. Fida Truck is ni ni Mody. Seeya fida truck! Ni ni! (He thinks that when we pass the fire station and the garage doors are closed that the fire truck is sleeping.) See tree, Mody? See it? See car Mody? See it? See ooooo whats that?"

"Thats a sign Baby. Finish telling me what you played with at school today."

"I pay chuch. Oooh, moon Mody. See it?"

"You didn't play at church today! You're silly! Finish singing that song you were singing to Mommy!"

"chchachacha. Shrek, Mody! I watch it? CD? I watch it?"

"How about you play with your trains instead?"

"Thos?"

"Yes, Thomas! You should definitely play with Thomas tonight."

"Pitcha!"

"No, Baby, I'm not taking a picture, I was just putting my phone in my purse."

"Pitcha Mody! CHEEEESE! Take Pitcha!"

"Baby I can't take your picture. I'm driving. We'll do it tonight when we get home."

"Read books, Mody? I eat? I ride bike? Oooh, Fall down, Mody. I pay park? I eat dum dum? OH! Zthackthon house, Mody! Daddy truck! See it? See wagon, Mody? I pay wagon."

Whew! We're home! And "Zthackthon" has big plans for tonight. "Come on! Hop out!"

"no."

"Did you mean to say 'Yes, maam?"

"No Maam, Mody"

Sigh...here we go again...

Snow Day in Birmingham

So, in the south it snows from time to time. Thank God it doesn't happen often because the whole world MUST come to a stand still when it does. Schools close, day care calls to say come get your kid, businesses close, grocery stores run out of milk and toilet paper, cars won't crank, tumbleweed rolls down the interstate...IT'S SNOWING! We can't open our front door - what do you mean go to work?

I'm sure the damn Yankees think we're crazy (for those of you unfamiliar: a Yankee visits from up North; a damn Yankee is one who stays love you Prissy), but in all reality we're just not set up to handle it. We don't have snow plows or giant salt shakers (no, I DON'T know what they are ACTUALLY called). So we shut down. Completely. However, I find it really funny that when we had almost 3 snow days in a row people figured out how to go to work and school anyway. Apparently it's not possible to open your front door the first day, nor the second day unless you are making a snow man, but the third day? Southerners learn to drive in the snow, and their kids learn to go to school in spite of it. Amazing how that works.

Nevertheless, we enjoyed our snow day. I'm so aggravated that I forgot to take pics of the snow man that Jackson built...or the snow man that I built in spite of Jackson trying to destroy it incessantly. Whatever, he was happy with the end result.

Here are some pictures from our Birmingham Snow Day

This is quite possibly my favorite pic of all time:



This is Daddy shaking the tree to make it snow on Jackson and Jackson getting his turn to shake the tree:




Don't eat yellow snow:

Always have an Ace in your purse

So, it rained today. I mean it raaaaaained today. All day long. I had a 3:15 appointment at a prospect's office and left in the rain. At this point I looked...sprinkled on.

I got in my car and realized "OH CRAP! It's 5:21! I have 39 minutes to pick up Jackson and Graham before I have to pay $5 per minute! GOTTA GO!" So I fly through the pouring rain to Jackson's day care. Toss him in the car, buckle him up, and look at the clock...21 minutes to get to Graham's day care. At this point I look...rained on.

Red lights red lights, traffic, rain, red lights, cars, a bike (what? really?) more rain, more red lights and I get there! 5 minutes before the cutoff! Excellent! I unbuckle Jackson, unload Jackson, get Graham, load Jackson, buckle Jackson, buckle Graham and load Graham. This took a lot of running around to the various doors in my car. So at this point, I look...damp.

I'm thinking about dinner all the way home since I know Justin isn't home tonight and it's getting close to bathtime since my appointment ran so late this afternoon. I pull into the driveway at 19 minutes until bathtime (otherwise known as 6:11) and I reach to the back and unbuckle Jackson. (This was my grand plan to save myself from getting a little more wet.) Then it hits me. I don't have a key to the house and Justin won't be home until 9:30 tonight from CPR class. I go to the side door, locked. I go through the gate to the back door, locked. I climb on the air conditioner and check a window, locked. I pass my car and see Jackson in the front seat testing the blinkers and hazard lights...Shrug that off...and I go to the front door, locked. CRAP. I get Jackson loaded back into the back seat and buckle him up. I plop myself into the car still unsure of what to do. At THIS point, I look...wet.


I have no cell phone because I left the house without it this morning. Why? Because I have two small children, keep up! I have three options:
1 - sit in my car and feel sorry for myself while my two children starve to death.
2 - drive to Jeff State and sell my body on the street corner for use of a cell phone to call Justin 47 times in a row in the hopes that he answers during class and brings me out some keys.
3 - Go get some food for Jackson while I keep thinking.

...STACY! She has a key!

We have a plan.

Jackson ate a McChicken while I drove to Stacy's house. I arrived at Stacy's at 9 minutes past bathtime. I left Jackson and Graham in the car while Jackson yelled "Drew House!" I jogged up her front steps and knocked on the door. Through the front door window I saw her look at me with a very concerned and worried look on her face. She opened the door. At this point, I look like a DROWNED RAT!!

With the attitude of someone who hadn't slept in a week, I said, "Can I have my house key?" All the worry and concern left her brows and she made that sound that you make if your mouth is full of water and someone makes you laugh...that helped. She gave me a key, offered me dinner (as all good Southern women do), and said "I'm OBVIOUSLY going to need this key back." I said "Yes, maam. I'm also going to make one for my neighbor" and took my drowned rat butt back to my car.

Jackson was SOOOO upset about not going into see Drew and I needed an Ace.

Explanation: I call it an Ace. It's that thing you have to remedy all unpredictable situations. (No, it's not a spare key.) It's a kid thing. It could be a hot wheels car in your purse at a restaurant when your child's patience has run out. "SURPRISE! Mommy has a HOT WHEELS car in her purse and she has officially bought the 5 minutes that she needs until the food gets here!" OR, it could be the one I use EVERY night. The chewable gummy vitamin. I use that Ace at some point to get Jackson to do what I want him to do. Climb into his high chair for dinner, go upstairs for a bath, quit going potty and put on his pjs, brush his teeth....at any point that I need it..."Here's your vitamin! You can have it when you finish your green beans!" Most nights we don't need it, but the true test is if you don't need your Ace and you can give him the vitamin at the END of the evening with no strings attached.

So, back to Jackson being upset. "Drew House! Down! Pees Down! Drew House!" There is a complete come apart well on it's way. I need an Ace. OOHH! I've got one in my purse! I have cleaned out my purse several times over the last couple of months...yes, months... and every time, I find this individually wrapped twizzler. I don't EVEN remember where I got it. But every time I clean out my purse and start to throw it away, I think...oh no, that's an Ace! And I put it back in my purse. So, I presented the Ace to Jackson and life as we know it was all of a sudden no longer about to end. NO, I'm not going to be Mommy of the Year anytime soon for giving my kid a McChicken and a twizzler for dinner, but we were in a state of emergency.

I pull into the driveway at 27 minutes past bath time and unload the car. Upon car exit Jackson saw the McDonalds cup of water and had another come apart...something about straws...God only knows. I was barely able to walk because I had Graham, diaper bags, coats, purses, dirty bags of clothes, and God only knows what else in my arms. I said "Jackson! Come inside! It's RAINING!" I went on in and started making Graham's bottle. Jackson finally entered still crying about the cup and I said, "Stop Crying. Now go shut the front door."

Still crying.

"Jackson, shut the door and stop crying and I'll give you your vitamin."

Damn! We JUST got home and I already played my Ace!

NOT me Monday

Yea, I know it's Tuesday.

I won't post it on MckMama's site because of that technicality. Although it did happen yesterday.

So anyway: My Not me Monday, I mean Tuesday story:

Jackson has been doing a great job going potty in the big boy potty. So great, that I had to forbid him from pottying last night. He gets up there...tinkles a tiny tiny little bit, and gets ALL excited for his M&M. Two minutes later, same story.

Oh yea, Not me! I didn't forbid my 2 year old potty trainer from pottying anymore and force him to keep his pjs on!

HE'S GOING TO TURN INTO AN M&M IF THIS KEEPS UP!

I found this today while preparing for my new website. I wrote it when Jackson was a baby:

Those tiny little fingers
Chubby wrists
Creamy, soft skin
…I love this child

That gummy grin
Innocent smile
Sheer glee…
God, I love this child

That bottom lip
Those round cheeks
Big round eyes
Pure innocence…
God, thank you for my child

~Meredith McLaughlin 2007

A car ride with a 25 month old

It's funny to look back at posts about conversations with Jackson. They are progressing well I suppose. Our longest and deepest conversations happen in the car. You know, the only time he isn't either watching Shrek or begging to watch Shrek. So here goes, from our ride home today. A car ride with a 25 month old:

"Car mama. Two carsth. One two foor sickth nine Two carsth."

"That's good counting, Baby"

"Big Truck. Papa Big Truck. Papa housth. Papa housth dum dums. Dum Dum mama? Sucka? Mines have it?

The thought of our car ride four days ago rushes into my head. We were 2 hours in to a four hour drive after Jackson had 3 dum dums earlier in the day and one blow pop in the car already (I need to note here that I worked that day and Daddy was in charge). Well, needless to say, after 2 gushing vomit fits, we stopped at a gas station and hosed down Jackson's clothes with the scary water hose in back of the gas station. We then rode our remaining 2 hours with me covered in vomit and the car smelling to high heaven...all the while, Justin was mumbling, "No more dum dums." "We don't have any suckers Baby." I wonder if it's a sin to lie to a 2 year old.

"oh dum dum Papa housth.

"Yea. Tell me about your friends at school, did you have a good day?"

"JoJo bite hurrs."

"Yes, it hurts when friends bite each other. Friends need to be sweet to each other."

"Friends. JoJo, Charey. Pay Park. Charey"

"Did you play with Joseph and Charlie today on the playground?"

"Ohh, church, house, two house! Baby Cying Mama Pacy, Pacy!"

"I'm sorry Baby. I'll be at a red light in a minute. Tell me about school today. Were you sweet to your friends (we received a report that he had had a rough day)"

"friends"

"Yes, baby, were you sweet to your friend, Jeffrey today? the bad report was that he had a scuffle with Jeffrey"

"I puu hayuh. Bite. Hurrs."

"Jackson! Did you pull hair? No sir! We don't pull our friends hair! We love our friends. And NO BITING. It does hurt, you're right. Tomorrow I want you to give Jeffrey a big hug. He is your friend."

"Big Truck. ChChCha Chchcha...singing jibber jabber. (This is a song from Shrek). Donkey, Shrek, Pimpess (Princess), flyfly (Fairy Godmother), Shrek? Oooh, big truck. Donkey?"

"What color is that truck, Jackson?"

"White! Red!" (White is ALWAYS his first answer...no clue why.) "Errrrp. HAHAHAHAHA!" (This is a fake burp that he learned from none other than ...Shrek.)

"When we burp we say 'excuse me.' What about that truck; what color is it?"

"Big Truck"

Silence.....strange silence.

"You made a snow man at school today, didn't you? Mommy saw it. You did a good job!"

"Man. Ho HO HO!"

"Santa Claus says Ho Ho Ho, Baby. But you made a good snowman!"

"chchcha chchcha (singing) Shrek?"

"You can watch it for a few minutes when we get home while I cook you something to eat."

"Eat? Besfast? Eat eggs? Pup. Zthacksthon's pup?"

"Give me a second and I'll get your cup. We're gonna eat chicken for dinner."

"Chicken? Eat? Mines eat."

"That's right Jackson. We'll eat in a little bit."

"I hungy. I eat. Dum dum?"